Living the Vision

Last month, I learned to hold a vision that I wasn’t sure was a reality.  To my surprise, the images I inserted into my brain every time I panicked about Jax’s astronomically high ALP levels BECAME our reality.  Doctors can’t explain what happened, but I know what happened.  Yes, it might sound new age or hokey, but I am a true believer that thoughts become things now.  Group visualization is a powerful tool and it is one that I wish I had internalized years ago.  Thank you to everyone who helped holds our vision when we were weak or tired.    

Last weekend, we lived our vision!  We went camping in Carpinteria with 19 other children and their families.  Our acceptance into the Wolf Pack, as they choose to be called, delivered us onto a sandy beach that bordered a large, grassy field.  The rear of the field boasted a unique, semi-enclosed playground.  Across the street, a line formed in front of a popular burger shack.  In short, it was paradise.  The weather was perfect, there were children (or cubs, if you will) running around everywhere, and the beach was a five-minute walk over a nearby sand dune.    

Jackson went in the ocean for the first time (on his own terms of course, there is no persuading a Gemini!), squealing with joy until he turned blue with cold.  He also got to see his very first movie, projected on a huge screen in the field behind our campsite.  He sat for a few minutes, and then said excitedly, “There’s a fireplace over there!”  We learned some great new words like "campfire" and "s'mores" while cuddled in my pink camping chair.  He fell asleep that first night wrapped in my arms in front of the roaring fire, stuffing himself with marshmallows.  I think he outlasted all of the other children, and he had been up since 5:00am with only a 15-minute nap in the car.  (The benefits of being a Rooster Club member and head Party Animal, I presume!)

I loved the communal, tribal feeling of being with such a large group.  Everywhere Jax went, at least two little girls followed, holding his hand, tickling him, and feeding him snacks.  So many chairs surrounded the campfire at night that I couldn’t count them all.  We had a seemingly endless supply of drinks, snacks, and good company. 

Waking up super early was no chore at all when we had an ocean and a playground to walk to, friends to visit with, and best of all, the mint green garbage truck to watch as it dumped cans and dumpsters.  Jackson was overjoyed, to say the least. 

Several times during our paradise weekend, I had to stop and say, “Happy, thank you, more please!”  (This phrase is also the title of a movie I have been meaning to watch).  The euphoria I felt continued when we arrived back home, chock full of happy memories, stronger bonds, and inspiration. 

We can’t wait for next year!   

Still Got It...?

First, a short update on Jax.  He is doing awesome.  Better than awesome.  I am not sure if there is a word awesome enough to describe the resilient little fighter I have been blessed with.  Sometimes I look at him and think that he is a divine being, an angel.  He certainly looks like one!

If you don't know me personally, I can tell you that my son and I could not look more different.  I have long dark hair, dark eyes, and olive skin that tans a deep brown during the summer.  My son is a blue-eyed towhead with a peaches and cream complexion.  If I didn't know any better, I would question if he was truly mine!  Usually though, I look at him in amazement and wonder if there is a God, and if he/she sent me an angel to make sure I learned whatever lessons I was supposed to learn in this lifetime.

Last week I learned about gratitude.  I am so grateful that Jax seems to have survived last week unscathed.  We are off of the breathing treatments and steroids.  He is breathing easier, eating better, and seems to be well on the road to recovery from the RSV/bronchiolitis challenge a few weeks ago.  He lost a lot of weight, but we are hoping he will get back on that growth scale soon.

I received many comments from folks who follow this blog, and most said they cried when they read about Jax's ordeal.  So, this week I will attempt to elicit tears of laughter from you, instead of making you sad or fearful for us.  Please, do not feel bad about laughing at my expense!  I had to laugh, remembering what happened as we headed to (yet another) doctor appointment.

Last week, we were driving to a follow up appointment with Jax's pediatrician.  The sun was shining, and he was doing so much better, I could hardly believe he had been in the hospital a mere 24 hours beforehand.  I, on the other hand, felt truly haggard.  I hadn't slept in days, (what's new), and I was fighting my version of RSV, which had manifested as a nasty cold.  In short, I felt like the floor of a taxicab, and I am sure I resembled a homeless crack addict.  But, I digress.

Thanks to the hospital visits, sleepless nights, and overall feelings of ill health, I hadn't seen the sun in a while.  I wanted some fresh air, so I had all the windows rolled down, and found myself grinning because there was no labored breathing coming from the back seat.  So, with the loopy grin still settled on my face, I stopped at a red light, and then a brand spanking new red porche pulled up next to me.  In it sat a Silver Fox.  You know, one of those hot, older, rich men with hair that is starting to gray at the temples?  Hot.  Older.  Rich.  What more could a girl want?  (Well, MH is pretty hot himself, being a muscle-bound longshoreman and all, but a girl can have fantasies too, right?!).  

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that Silver Fox is looking directly at me.  He is smiling.  Well!  I feel myself sit up a little straighter in my seat.  I must still have it!  I think to myself.  Even after 22 months of sleepless nights, several recent panic attacks over my son's health, currently being violently sick myself, AND being unshowered and in sweats, I STILL GOT IT!  I am elated!  Nothing can take away my obvious allure, I think excitedly.  I sneak a peek back, and now Silver Fox is wearing a broad grin.  He is definitely staring right at me.  I smile back.  And then I realize...

As I mentioned, I had all the windows down.  But I forgot to mention one minor detail.  I am blasting Charlotte Diamond's "I am a Pizza" song.  Very.  Loudly.  If you have ever heard this song, you know that it is inane at best, and definitely ridiculous.  (See link below to hear it).  Thanks to my former life as an early childhood education specialist, I have been unconsciously singing along (loudly) AND engaging in the hand movements for Jax's benefit in the back seat.  I start to sweat as I realize it looks like I am alone in the car.  Singing and performing hand motions.  Acting like a full blown lunatic.

Just as I start to turn redder than the stoplight, it thankfully turns green and Silver Fox speeds off with a little wink at me.  I roll up all of the windows to avoid any future embarrassment.  I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and oh God, do I ever look destroyed.  Besides the red nose, dark under-eye circles, and sallow-looking skin, I have ambiguous stains on my tattered sweatshirt, and some telltale bleach stains on my sleeve.  My toenails look like talons, and my hair looks it hasn't been brushed all day.  Oh that's right, it hasn't.  I sigh, and vow to start getting dressed before leaving the house.  Oh yes, and I definitely need one of those Baby on Board signs, just in case Silver Fox drives by again...

Hope my misfortune made you chuckle.  Feel free to leave me a comment.  I am dying to know if this has happened to anyone else!

Here is the link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2Zwvyhms8c