Friday, July 20, 2012

Happy Dance in my Soul!

Last Wednesday, my soul did a happy dance.  In fact, Jax and I both ran around the house yelling, “happy dance, happy dance,” as we jumped up and down.  I thought I knew what happiness and joy were before, but now I understand the true meaning of those words.  It was as though a waterfall of elation cascaded from somewhere in my being and overflowed, bringing with it a surge of energy and light.  We were going to be okay.  Jackson is going to be okay. 

Rewind to last Tuesday.  Worst. Day. Ever. 

This was the day we headed to the UCLA bone clinic to meet with a specialist.  He ended up wanting more blood.  He told us he needed to rule out some things I have a problem even typing out let alone thinking about.  He told us to expect Jax’s alp level to remain high, if not go higher.  I ended the day feeling attacked by something.  I literally felt poisoned.  I spent six hours writhing on the bathroom floor in agony.  I was shaking, nauseous, had chills, and the worst migraine I have had in 25 years.  My parents (they are my angels) came over to watch Jax because I was incapacitated.   

The next day, I woke up and went to a therapist who did massage, sage clearing and Reiki, which helped me immensely.  I decided that I could be strong, and I would be strong.  Then, I got the news that changed our life, again.  Now, I have added a lot of depth to my worldview.  I believe in magic, I really do.  We can all do magic, create our own miracles, and design better lives for our loved ones and us.  Magic is possible, people!

Here is Tuesday in review.  I woke up before the baby, which is rare since he wakes up at the crack of dawn.  I was a bundle of nervous jitters, and my mine really wanted to go somewhere scary.  Instead, I applied a technique that a fellow preemie mom had recently shared with me:  each time I felt that gnawing pinch of anxiety, I stopped and focused on the image in my head and the words in my mind.  If they were negative (and they usually were), I turned ‘em right around.  I have always had trouble doing this, but this time, I finally internalized the adage, “thoughts become things.”  If there were a remote chance that this was true, then my anxiety-ridden thoughts would harm my son.  So, I created a new image, and I asked our prayer and visualization circle of amazing friends to do the same.

I imagined our family on our beach camping trip at the end of the month, watching Jackson as he ran and played and laughed.  My husband and I would clasp hands and smile at one another, the relief of surviving another hurdle our secret joke.   I imagined taking Jackson to pick out his Halloween pumpkin.  I imagined a joyful family Christmas.   I sent out emails updating our close friends and family members, and asked them to share the visualizations.  They did. 

Some went beyond the visualization and told me some helpful stories.  As they sat down each day to picture a healthy Jax, to hold the vision for me during my times of weakness, some of my friends had some interesting images pop into their heads.  One friend said she saw Jax as a gawky, teenaged surfer boy, holding hands with a thin brunette.  Another said she saw Jax in her mind’s eye, at his college graduation.  His gown was burgundy.  (Maybe he’ll go to USC too!).

I don’t know if my friends are psychic, but we’ll see if their visions come true.  Mine will, I am certain of it.  We will be continuing our happy dance on the beach next weekend.  And we will continue to do our happy dance through the rest of this crazy journey we call life. 

Someone sent me this a while back:

It’s a guy doing his own happy dance across the whole world. 

Do it now, I dare you.  Stand up and do your own happy dance!  No matter what you are going through right now, it will make you smileJ 

Thoughts become things, so keep your thoughts trained on your positive outcomes.  I am happy to help you hold your visions too.  Contact me if you need me to send you any energy. 

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