So today something occurred that has never happened before, and I am afraid to develop any expectations about it. Jax slept until AFTER sunrise. I woke up at 5:45am and shot out of bed like a bat out of hell, wondering if he had somehow escaped his crib or if he was deathly ill. Frantically, I checked the monitor for signs of life, and then I realized that nothing was wrong at all! Jax was simply asleep-like most of us are at this ungodly hour.
It was an entirely different kind of day. I did not have to resort to multiple cups of tea and coffee to survive until nap time. I actually had the energy to get dressed, AND put on a necklace. For those who know me, you know that I have not been able to put on a different pair of pants for the last 21 months, let alone accessorize! I hummed a tune in the shower, and found myself smiling as I looked truly forward to the day ahead.
The sun was out, and it was crisp and cool as we walked the dogs. Later that morning, we toured the airplane museum. I even went to lunch with a friend and enjoyed myself, rather than being so tired I felt like falling over, or feeling rushed to get home because I knew I should be resting instead of socializing. In the afternoon, we went to a park with some friends, and I rejoiced in chasing my son all over the place, rather than slogging along making half-hearted attempts to engage with him, and our playdate.
We cooked dinner in a lazy kind of way, and bedtime became a "whenever" rather than a "seven-o'clock sharp," because I was not so wrecked I could hardly wait for Jax to go down so I could pass out. Nope. This evening, we played puzzles, read books, and watched some videos before bed, and then a well-rested Jax went down so easily I almost wondered whose life I had accidentally switched with!
In short, it was a glorious, wonderful day. But one thought kept marring my exuberance. I mean, it is February 29th. Leap Day. My poor, hopeful brain went into overdrive trying to determine what, if anything, had contributed to this amazing stretch of sleep that allowed us to have a schedule that permits joyful interaction with others. But alas, I could come up with nothing. Everything we did yesterday was exactly the same as we had done countless times before. Yet, for some reason, last night, Jax slept.
The only difference between today and other days is that today is a special, strange day, when time and space do not coincide. Yes, a mystical, magical day when fairies and leprechauns scamper about, and a pixie sprinkles dust on my son. Or something. I am grateful, so grateful for feeling like a halfway-normal person today! But I can't help but fear that this amazing experience will not happen again for another four years! Because, trust me, I have often had the expectation that "this was it!" Jax will sleep tonight! He has had no nap, eaten tons of food, pooped, run around maniacally all day, and went to bed at 10pm....wait, nope he's up again. And again. And again...
So you see, I have been burned by my expectations so many times, and yet I can't help having them. Expectations SUCK. They are the bane of my existence. This is why I must resort to a nice delicious glass of malbec to rid myself of these insane, mentally dysfunctional thoughts. Well, cest la vie, right? What does that even mean? I suppose that I can look forward to sleeping in again in four years! And by sleeping in, I mean getting up after the sunrise. You know, in a strange way, I kind of missed our Sunrise Walk. An After-Sunrise Walk just isn't the same.
Hours of sleep logged this week: 18!